So…bowling is pretty rad. I’ve got no beef with eating pizza either. Beer?!? Don’t even get me started. That’s how we roll—no gutters, straight business. And where is the best place to conduct that kind of business? Poelking Lanes, son!

We contacted this legendary bowling alley and asked them to place us in the roughest, filthiest, greaseball bowling league they could find. They chuckled, then showed us a path of pure bowling evil…the Pizza and Beer League. After a short initiation meeting held with Judas Priest blaring in the background, we soon realized this league was no joke. These dudes were mean-looking and covered in pizza and beer stains…the true signs of experience. We needed to recruit some bowling talent, and fast. Luckily we just hired a couple scrappy looking designers and I had a feeling they’d thrown down a few beer frames in their day. So we held tryouts and formed an army of 10 to battle the bowling world. Or at least a few locals for now.

Opening day showed up and we rolled out in force. Raging hard, pounding pizza, beer and every one-three pocket in sight. The high fives were flying and we had no intentions of rollin’ Brooklyn—it was time to conduct business. We bashed up our first opponents pretty good—straight slaughtered to be exact. Bobby dropped a 9-bagger on these fools and straight left ‘em for the gutter. Week one’s business was conducted.

After the success of week one, we battled on for the next eight weeks against some of the most respected pizza eatin’ beer bashin’ bowlers on the planet. Winning some and losing some, Real Art somehow managed to roll its way into first place with a shot at the championship. There was only one team standing in our way. It was the famous group of roughneck bowlers known only as “Team 5”. These peeps had a rep for being down and dirty, so we needed to bring the filth if we wanted to dip out, trophies in hand.

Match time was approching and I’m not gonna lie…I was skeered. This was the moment I’d been training for all my life. If we won this thing we could have all the booze, women, and money we could ever dream of. It was time to put the stroke down.

We stormed out in game one, dropping hammers. Jägerbombs and bowling balls flew everywhere; it was a bowling bloodbath. The scores were close, but the game belonged to Real Art. Represent! Game two began the massacre. We showed no mercy, cobra-striking everything and everybody in the alley. The filth was being brought and the Real Art crew was hitting their marks. We were once again victorious. Biggitybooyah! Then some math whiz did some calculations and realized we’d already won the championship. So game three became a boogered celebration of gutter-ridin’ grandma tosses. Awwwwwyeah! Champions were born.

As newly crowned champs, the bossman saw it only fitting to throw us a kegger party to celebrate. So the following Friday we stopped working early, tapped a keg of Yuengling and conducted some more business. It was rad! Props to C. Wire.

On a more serious note, we are honored to be champions of the 2012 Pizza and Beer League, and much love to the other teams and Poelking Lanes for letting us roll out and act like a bunch of fools. It was a lot of fun and we plan on defending our title next year. We love you, Karen!